It's been awhile since I feel this way.
I can't believe a fucking show can make me feel so real about life.
Perhaps, that's the point actually. Clearly the writer has succeeded in delivering the story.
Life to me...
...has been such a fucking roller coaster. From being a pushover to a fucking arrogant asshole. Been there done that, and I've come to realize that I much rather be the latter.
You know what they say...everybody dies, but not everybody lives.
I feel a huge connection to Hank as soon as I saw the first episode. I guess that makes me too much of an asshole, but deep down inside, I know myself. I think I have a good heart. Everybody does.
Here's a spoiler that really teared my brain open and left a mark right on that little buddy we call "heart":
Dear Karen,
I've been thinking about Us, the story of us. How the fuck do I sum it up? Has it been perfect? Hardly. Any story with me at the center of it will never be anything less than a big smiling mess. But here's what I know for sure—our time in the sun has been a thing of absolute fucking beauty. The nightmares, the hangovers, the fucking and the punching. The gorgeous shimmering insanity of the city of ours. Where for years I woke up, fucked up, said I was sorry, passed out and did it all over again. As a writer, I'm a sucker for happy endings. The guy gets the girl, she saves him from himself, fade to fucking black. As a guy who loves a girl, I realize there's no such thing. There's no sunset. There's just now, and there's just the two of us, which can be scary fucking ugly sometimes. But if you close your eyes and listen for the whisper of your heart—if you simply keep trying and never ever give up, no matter how many times you get it wrong, until the beginning and the end blur into something called until we meet again -- and that's it. I didn't know how to finish it, because it's not over. It'll never be over, as longs as there's you, and there's me, and there's hope, and grace.
I don't know man. I need to get back on my feet. I live literally thousands of miles away from my family. I've been really fucking good at it. I'm so proud of myself. For at least the last 3 years, I haven't been back home. I have seen my family though, through skype and the last graduation I had at Purdue.
Life is kind of in fucking shambles now. My sister just texted me earlier this morning bad news about my mom. She's not dying or anything, but it's enough to make me feel fucking useless as her son.
I'm not done, but I'm really out of words right now. Life just basically punched me in the face and I just need some time to realize world moves on.
